Today has been hard.  I have just finished walking around the ship by myself saying goodbye to each section - i'm such a sappy and nostalgic person when it comes to that stuff - highlights of the day included one last hoorah with the STEP guys on the beach - low points included finding out that one of the people i thought was a close friend on the ship turned out not to be - long story but lets just say feeling betrayed never gets easy - oh yea then there was the couple of hours i was sitting in the Las Palmas immigration office with the ship purser and the other step guys - seems there was a little mis communication between the ship and local immigration as to what documentation we would need in order to be allowed to fly out of las palmas and into madrid - its never a good feeling sitting there not knowing if you will be allowed to leave the country and not understanding what they are saying!  As far as i know everything is in order for me to fly out - so maybe a prayer that i am allowed to pass immigration wouldnt hurt :) 
I have been so touched by how many people on the ship have gone out of there way to say goodbye to me - to give me a card or say encouraging words - i am surprised how many connections i made and the fact that one of several reasons God led me to the ship was to be an influence on so many lives.  So many have said that i should come back and what a difference i have made on the ship especially the bookfair - well now that i am leaving in a few minutes i think its safe to share that little do they know that earlier this week i was called into a meeting with the ship leadership - i have been asked to consider returning to the ship in a - lets just call it a very senior leadership role - now nobody panic - i do not feel led to do that - you all read what is on my heart a few posts ago but it was nice to be asked - how about that - a little ole nobody stepper guy.

ok - 45 minutes until i walk off the ship.

ok - really the title of this post should be 'i'm an emotional wreck today' as that would be much more accurate - but somehow as a man i wasnt sure i'm supposed to share that level of information but it is what it is.

I'm sitting by myself (intentionally) in the ships dining room - it's 10:30am ship time - just finished eating my last toast breakfast and reflecting - about every 3 to 5 minutes i have to fight back the tears that start to swell.  I was unsuccessful at stopping them yesterday afternoon as the bookfair team said their official goodbye.  As i sit here i'm pondering why all the strong emotions - i am so very excited to go back home - to see all of you - to rejoin my church family - so i sit here and wonder, why the strong emotions?   So many times i have been frustrated at the ship & at times felt so trapped but at the same time it's such an amazing experience and community to be a part of - and a part of it i became - i know there are many people on the ship that truly care about me and my presence will be missed - and i will miss them and the adventure and the incredible life changing impact on peoples lives.  I guess what it comes down to is i'm a tenderhearted guy & i developed a heart for the ships ministry - coupled with the fact i've never 'moved' away from cary - to have done that and formed all of these new relationships just to walk away - knowing chances are i will never see these people again on earth - well it kinda sucks - the ship life is so intense and you have so many shared experience and you basically spend 24 hours a day with the same 400 people - the end result is i feel like i have known many of ships company for so much longer.

My best guess is over the next day i will emotionally hit both ends of the spectrum - the sadness/end of a season of walking off the ship for the last time (which will be 2:30am ship time which is 15 hours from now or 9:30pm tonight NC time)but then ecstatic once i am airborne back to the United States and home!!!

Hello Blog Readers - please forgive this personal post to my mom - it's the primary way i communicate with and as most of you know she looks forward to my daily posts.

Hey Mom - just wanted you to know i was thinking about you - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!  Sorry it wasn't today that i return as that would have made a nice present :) but hopefully tomorrow night will be ok!  So see you tomorrow night!!!  We both made it!

Tonight in our prayer meeting the ships company celebrated and said goodbye to the STEPpers - we put together a video showing our favorite photos with a few video clips merged in - it was very special seeing all the memories that we made as a group.  After the video the steppers spread out in the room and the rest of the people surround the person they connected with and have a circle of prayer around the person - a very precious moment - being in the center of the circle and having many people praying for me & it was very humbling to see how many of the ships leaders had found me in the room to pray for me.   After the event ended the STEPper guys found a quiet corner and we spent quite a while going around in a circle and sharing our prayer requests for the future and then taking turns praying for each other - one of those special moments in life.   Then it was time for deck 9 - which i just came in from - as tonight was my last night to experience being at sea at night and the glory of all the night stars - it was very hard to walk away from that the very last time.   I now have about 48 hours left on the ship as its almost 1am thursday morning and i will leave the ship for the airport on saturday morning at 2:30 am.

It's fairly routine on the ship to have people ask you how they can be praying for you - you are connected to so many different groups that it turns out to be lots of people!  (not to mention all of you that have been praying, quite certain i have never been surrounded by this much prayer in my life-many times i have been able to actually sense the prayers & umbrella of the Spirit)  -  well going back about a month or so ago my answer to their question changed - it became 'what next God?"    This journey itself has been so unique - the unmistakable calling i had to come to the ship coupled with absolutely no clue as to why - now being able to look back and see several very clear reasons as to why. All along my plan has been to step back into life as i knew it before - my real estate profession which i very much enjoy (and have a renewed passion for) and of course volunteering/being a part of my church family at Hope - but as the days passed by on the ship and i absorbed so much of what is happening around the world it was easy to see that i would not be going back home as the same person - put quite simply once you know something you can't 'not' know it!  Now everyone can take a breathe - I do not feel called to full time missions (of course i know that has an asterisk) but i do have a few specific things that i want to share from my journal

it started as i was walking through the refugee camp - i kept saying mentally 'somebody needs to do something' - wow - these people just need someone to come along side of them and give them hope/confidence/skills to change them from survival mode to a stability mode - God, somebody really needs to do something!  . . . to which God quickly messaged back - ahhh, david, whose feet are on the ground in the camp?  i agree david, somebody does need to do something and as it so happens i have led 'someone' to the camp to show this person the need - thats how it all started -

several days later as i was journaling - looking out over the ocean, it hit me - something that seems so simple yet the puzzle pieces had not fallen into place - the pen just started flowing with ideas that i'm going to share with you in a moment.  God led me to specific places and put certain people in my path in all 3 main countries we visited - i know first hand of their needs and what an exponential and generational impact a little assistance would trigger.

- so here's whats in my journal under the context of 'what next God'

hello david - you belong to a very large church body and you are in a position within that church to have a voice - use the voice david . . . organize and lead mission trips with members of your church to each of the places i showed you

1- the small primary village school in the rural outlying area of Sierra Leone - where all the children meet in a building about the size of a 2 car garage with dirt floors and walls made out of sticks with many holes and a makeshift roof that only covers a third of the space -  with just a small amount of money, some organization and manpower these children could have an environment that would allow them to learn

2- the refugee camp in Ghana along the Ivory Coast Border - they have some infrastructure and so much potential - they need to be educated in how to grow their own food in a larger scale and receive basic life skills - they mainly need someone to come along side of them and believe in them again

3- the village in liberia where i spent the week - they have well over 100 kids in the village under the age of 12 with no avenue for education - no school to go to - as it turns out in my talking with the pastor his dream is to build a school beside the church - when i asked him how much to make the dream come true - to build a nice school he was embarrassed to tell me how much, as to him it's an insurmountable number. . . .$10,000 US dollars - thats right - for $10,000 we (notice how i just dropped that subtle hint of 'we') we can build a school and change an entire village and generation. Why would $10,000 seem so unobtainable? Consider this the the budget of pastors family to eat & survive AND to operate the church with close to 100 members is a total of $150 US dollars a month - and most months he falls short of having that. 

now i know there are many many places around the world with similar needs - but God didn't show me those places - he took me to these specific 3 places.

So in order to fund these projects i also have the vision of starting a non-profit - and yes i'm going to be asking for money for this non profit!  I would have never pictured having a non profit/asking people for money/fund raising but after seeing the conditions compared to our lives - well, lets just saw the hesitation of asking has disappeared!

but wait - there's more - a 'bonus vision' - i have learned the ship offers a program called a 'vision team' - a vision team is a church group that visits the ship - someone from the church as a group chaperon/leader brings high school students/ early 20's that have an interest in missions - the guests get the full experience of the missionary ship - during the 2 weeks they serve in most every department and get to participate in the missions day experiences - what an opportunity - so i have a goal of leading a vision team from Hope!  What better person to stir up interest than someone who has spent 100 days on the ship!

If you have made it this far in the post thank you - it's what God has placed on my heart for 'what's next'  - it's a full plate and enough to keep me busy for several years and definitely provides a strong 'why' for me to work hard and generate income from my real estate business!

The fact that i am leaving the ship in a few days is becoming more and more a reality - I find myself roaming the empty halls while most of ships company is in a training session dealing with where the ship will be in a little over a month (middle east!)   I pass by the notice boards on deck 6 which lists all the upcoming events and church teams etc - i stop and look and think 'this event looks great, i'll sign up' and then realize i will not be here.   i am staying busy with my departure checklist in which i have to visit a number of department offices to complete the process in order to leave the ship in good standing - so sorry for all of you at Hope that were thinking i would get kicked off the ship - haha - now i may have failed to mention previously in my blog that i have been called up to the 'feared' deck 7 personnell offices for a nice friendly little chat on more than one occasion :)   I'm off to a bookfair celebration day - celebrating both the completion of Africa and the fact that a number of us are leaving over the next few days.